13 reasons why the chronically uncoordinated should not parachute

1. Once you’re facing the open plane door, you realise how stupid you are to think that you’re capable of exiting the plane without a far more coordinated person strapped to your back.

2. Instructors and fellow jumpers will push you out anyway and laugh as you demonstrate the completeness of your grasp on expletives, threats and other colourful phrases.

3. The graceful “belly facing down” arch you plan on making somehow turns out to be an ungainly belly up/parachute down, arms & legs flailing wildly freefall which only ends when,

4. The parachute opens from underneath your body, whips around smacking into your arm like a fourbetwo being wielded by an angry builder,

5. Before opening and pulling you instantly from a 10G freefall to a complete and sudden stop.

6. The resultant concussion combined with distraction from the pretty scenery makes you forget to look where the parachuting company guys are telling you to be,

7. Until you look down and see the barbed wire fence you’re pretty much straddling.

8. Did you know that when parachuting, like when riding a bike, what you look at is what you head towards?  True fact!

9. Narrowly missing the fence, you then land in the only bit of uncleared land in the area and prepare to perform the roll which closes the parachute so it doesn’t fill with air and drag you off.

10. Unfortunately, for the chronically uncoordinated, rolling is a bit too challenging.  So you just flail around a little as the parachute fills with air and drags you across the uncleared paddock.

11. As much as you’d think that logs, stumps, rocks and various shrubs would stop you.  They actually don’t.

12. However, I did learn that people bounce.  At least I do.

13. Fortunately, large blackberry bushes growing over the barbed wire fence on the other side of the paddock have a little more stopping power.

Food math: Bacon Brownies

 

 

 

 

 

And the lessons learned were:

  • While the instructions tell you to grease the pan then put the paper in.  Unless you have been initiated into the mysteries of the paper and its non-stick secrets, you probably should grease the paper too.  Bacon brownies are somewhat more annoying to eat when you have to spit back bits of waxed paper with every bite.
  • Bacon rind is a delicious part of the bacon experience, however it can give the brownies a “tied together” look and feel that can be somewhat annoying when trying to cut them.  It also distracts from the eating when a single bite pulls the entirety of the bacon out of the brownie.  For a better brownie experience, I suggest removing the rind before cooking.

52 things to celebrate in October

1st

  • World Vegetarian Day

2nd

  • Gandhi’s Birthday
  • Guardian Angels Day
  • International Frugal Fun Day
  • Name Your Car Day

3rd

  • Techies Day

4th

  • Habitat Day

5th

  • World Teachers’ Day

6th

  • Mad Hatter Day

7th

  • Frappe Day

8th

  • World Smile Day

9th

  • English Spelling Day
  • Mouldy Cheese Day
  • Post Day

10th

  • Angel Food Cake Day
  • Mental Health Day

11th

  • Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day

12th

  • Moment of Frustration Day

13th

  • Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
  • Peanut Festival

14th

  • Dessert Day

15th

  • Blog Action Day
  • Hand Washing Day
  • Rural Womens Day

16th

  • Dictionary Day
  • Food Day

17th

  • Day for the Eradication of Poverty
  • Wear Something Gaudy Day

18th

  • Water Monitoring Day

19th

  • Evaluate your Life Day

20th

  • Osteoporosis Day
  • Statistics Day

21st

  • Babbling Day
  • Count your Buttons Day

22nd

  • Nut Day

23rd

  • Make a Difference Day
  • Mole Day

24th

  • Bologna Day
  • United Nations Day

25th

  • Punk for a Day Day

26th

  • Mule Day
  • National Mincemeat Day

27th

  • Cranky Co-workers Day
  • National Potato Day
  • National Tell a Story Day

28th

  • Chocolate Day
  • Plush Animal Lovers Day

29th

  • Hermit Day

30th

  • Candy Corn Day
  • Checklists Day
  • Haunted Refrigerator Night

31st

  • Halloween