13 reasons why the chronically uncoordinated should not parachute

1. Once you’re facing the open plane door, you realise how stupid you are to think that you’re capable of exiting the plane without a far more coordinated person strapped to your back.

2. Instructors and fellow jumpers will push you out anyway and laugh as you demonstrate the completeness of your grasp on expletives, threats and other colourful phrases.

3. The graceful “belly facing down” arch you plan on making somehow turns out to be an ungainly belly up/parachute down, arms & legs flailing wildly freefall which only ends when,

4. The parachute opens from underneath your body, whips around smacking into your arm like a fourbetwo being wielded by an angry builder,

5. Before opening and pulling you instantly from a 10G freefall to a complete and sudden stop.

6. The resultant concussion combined with distraction from the pretty scenery makes you forget to look where the parachuting company guys are telling you to be,

7. Until you look down and see the barbed wire fence you’re pretty much straddling.

8. Did you know that when parachuting, like when riding a bike, what you look at is what you head towards?  True fact!

9. Narrowly missing the fence, you then land in the only bit of uncleared land in the area and prepare to perform the roll which closes the parachute so it doesn’t fill with air and drag you off.

10. Unfortunately, for the chronically uncoordinated, rolling is a bit too challenging.  So you just flail around a little as the parachute fills with air and drags you across the uncleared paddock.

11. As much as you’d think that logs, stumps, rocks and various shrubs would stop you.  They actually don’t.

12. However, I did learn that people bounce.  At least I do.

13. Fortunately, large blackberry bushes growing over the barbed wire fence on the other side of the paddock have a little more stopping power.

Food math: Bacon Brownies






And the lessons learned were:

  • While the instructions tell you to grease the pan then put the paper in.  Unless you have been initiated into the mysteries of the paper and its non-stick secrets, you probably should grease the paper too.  Bacon brownies are somewhat more annoying to eat when you have to spit back bits of waxed paper with every bite.
  • Bacon rind is a delicious part of the bacon experience, however it can give the brownies a “tied together” look and feel that can be somewhat annoying when trying to cut them.  It also distracts from the eating when a single bite pulls the entirety of the bacon out of the brownie.  For a better brownie experience, I suggest removing the rind before cooking.

52 things to celebrate in October


  • World Vegetarian Day


  • Gandhi’s Birthday
  • Guardian Angels Day
  • International Frugal Fun Day
  • Name Your Car Day


  • Techies Day


  • Habitat Day


  • World Teachers’ Day


  • Mad Hatter Day


  • Frappe Day


  • World Smile Day


  • English Spelling Day
  • Mouldy Cheese Day
  • Post Day


  • Angel Food Cake Day
  • Mental Health Day


  • Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day


  • Moment of Frustration Day


  • Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
  • Peanut Festival


  • Dessert Day


  • Blog Action Day
  • Hand Washing Day
  • Rural Womens Day


  • Dictionary Day
  • Food Day


  • Day for the Eradication of Poverty
  • Wear Something Gaudy Day


  • Water Monitoring Day


  • Evaluate your Life Day


  • Osteoporosis Day
  • Statistics Day


  • Babbling Day
  • Count your Buttons Day


  • Nut Day


  • Make a Difference Day
  • Mole Day


  • Bologna Day
  • United Nations Day


  • Punk for a Day Day


  • Mule Day
  • National Mincemeat Day


  • Cranky Co-workers Day
  • National Potato Day
  • National Tell a Story Day


  • Chocolate Day
  • Plush Animal Lovers Day


  • Hermit Day


  • Candy Corn Day
  • Checklists Day
  • Haunted Refrigerator Night


  • Halloween